2×2x2×2

June 18th, 2011

On Wednesday 22 June, the ark will be complete.

You will have read last time, the first set of creatures invited on board.

But they were not alone: to complete the sets of two by two, there are some others whom I would like to introduce to you.

First up is Snowflake, the albino gorilla from Barcelona Zoo, that the artist was fortunate enough to see with his own eyes, smearing faeces on the glass front to his enclosure. the only known albino gorilla to have lived, he was called Floquet de Neu (little snowflake in Catalan) when captured.

Then the wise owl, one of those with the most in common with Noah, born with only one wing, unable to ever fly.

One creature with the full compliment of wings was Granny Feng’s cat from Xianyang City in China, e across in a copy of Ripley’s Believe it or Not.which Noah camWhat started out as two bumps on her cat’s back grew into wings within the space of a month back in 2007. She believes this makes her pet a “cat angel” and put the phenomenon down to being harrassed by female cats on heat, though scientists prefer to attribute the wings to either a genetic mutation or a rare hereditary skin condition called feline Cutaneous Asthenia, which results in a cat’s skin forming pendulous, wing-like folds or flaps.

Another celebrity guest is Paul the octopus, famed for predicting the outcome of several football matches and other events. Indeed, a feature film is said to be being penned which tells his story. Noah felt particular affiliation with Paul because of his encounters with palm readers in the past, and fond memories of John the fortune telling budgie who partly inspired this project.

There’s also Eclyse, the zorse, who had previously lived in a German safari park. Her mother was a horse and her father a zebra, and whilst most cross-breeds have stripes across their entire body, she has a beautiful snow white front, legs and tail.

Another apparent freak of nature is the unfortunate piglet, also from China, one of fourteen: but this little piggy was born with one eye, four eyeballs, and a long nose that has seen it likened to an elephant.

Presumably it regularly cries all the way home.


One of the stranger looking unclean is also one of the rarest. There are said to be only 330 of these snub-nosed monkeys, recently discovered in the forests of North East Burma, known by locals as ‘monkey with an upturned face’. Their upturned nostrils fill with water when it rains, making them sneeze, so sits with its head between its knees during downpours, a skill which will be much needed in the near future.

And finally, a mystery solved: The Emperor of Exmoor, nine feet tall and reputedly Britain’s largest wild animal, was thought to have been shot and beheaded last autumn. in fact, the red stag will be accompanying Noah on his voyage.

God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.And, after Noah’s flood the rainbow gained meaning as the sign of God’s promise that terrestrial life would never again be destroyed by flood (Genesis 9:13–17) whilst in the dreamtime of Australian Aboriginal mythology, the rainbow snake is the deity governing water…

Let’s not worry about what might or might not happen after St. Swithin’s Day, instead just raise a glass to the unclean sixteen and enjoy mixer night.

Take classically trained artistic talent and stir with an unique view of the world.

Drop in a shot of wit and mix with dashes of quirkiness and skepticism to create a cocktail that is as beautiful as it is shocking…

2×2x2

June 2nd, 2011

Take classically trained artistic talent and stir with an unique view of the world.

Drop in a shot of wit and mix with dashes of quirkiness and skepticism to create a cocktail that is as beautiful as it is shocking…

God saw how great wickedness had become and decided to wipe mankind from the face of the earth. However, one righteous man among all the people of that time, found favour in God’s eyes.

With very specific instructions, delivered by a budgie purporting to tell fortunes, God told him to create a set of paintings for him and his family in preparation for an exhibition in a city recently devastated by catastrophic flood that could have destroyed every living thing on earth.

God also instructed him to bring into the exhibition, unclean animals, male and female.

These unclean animals and their stories resonated with Noah. They shared a special bond. He wanted to celebrate their uniqueness, and their faults, rather than making them the butt of the jokes at the bar.

People who have had a drink, find different things to be funny, lest we forget.

First he took Heidi, the cross eyed opossum born in January in Germany, soon to go display and no doubt become an internet sensation.

Then, the unnamed young orangutan he remembered seeing on a mid-afternoon wildlife show he watched hazily from the sofa whilst off sick, and never forgot…

And of course Buster, the three legged dog advertised from the RSPCA through a national newspaper.

Next up was Bobby, the one eyed cat currently missing from the very village that Noah lived in. He saw the advert in the local paper and decided to take Bobby with him, particularly given his own eyesight issues in the past.

And of course he couldn’t resist those three chihuahua puppies (with two full bodied brethren) born four years ago. Their disformities are apparently due to inbreeding, though they have benefitted from daily physiotherapy and now hop around on their back legs.

The frog he took was simply the result of an internet search, during which he discovered that around the world, frogs are found with missing or misshaped limbs, a striking deformity that many researchers believe is caused by chemical pollution. However, tests on frogs and toads have revealed a more natural, benign cause. The deformed frogs are actually victims of the predatory habits of dragonfly nymphs, which eat the legs of tadpoles. Depending on the duration of the stay on the ark, adult amphibians with one one hind limb appear able to live for quite a long time, apparently explaining why so many deformed frogs and toads are discovered.

Finally for this instalment, Noah chose Winter, a two year old bottlenose dolphin from an aquarium in Florida, who was fitted with a prosthetic tail to help her swim naturally after becoming entangled in a crab trap at sea.

The remaining ‘unclean’ will be revealed shortly…

El Cant de Barca

April 11th, 2011

A change is as good as a rest, people say.

City breaks are not everyone’s idea of a relaxing time, especially not if you can’t really speak the language or are planning on packing as much in as possible during your stay. I had been fortunate enough to visit what one friend called ‘the city that has everything’ twice previously.

However, for many reasons this trip to Barcelona was very much anticipated.

I was determined to enjoy it even more because it was a surprise early wedding gift from my best friend (see earlier post) and so I wanted to make sure his thoughtfulness and efforts were justified.

After landing and changing we went straight out into the sun to visit perhaps the most exciting place in the world, ‘La Boqueria’ (El Mercat de St. Josep) which is basically a food market like no other. Brightly coloured Nasturtiums, unusual herbs, giant watermelons, and an array of other exotic produce adorn the stalls on entrance, before tripe, brains, piglets, skinned sheeps’ heads and giant eggs on the inner circle of meat and dairy stalls, then weird looking fish, razor clams, goose barnacles and live shellfish compete for our attention on the iced slabs in the centre.



















Amongst these are the famed tapas bars and cafes, much discussed recently on cookery programmes, and we found an interesting one at the very back, sampling the Menu del Dia for our first taste of Catalan cuisine, before heading towards Barceloneta and its beaches.

The weather helped, but this scene, ambling towards Gehry’s bronze fish, was heavenly, and much used. Sunbathers (one of whom looked uncannily like Tracey Emin) Nowhere else I have been in the world is there such a variety of environments within a short walk of each other.

The next incredible sights were birds, of the feathered kind. We saw a seagull look around rather guiltily before devouring a pigeon which had presumably fallen foul of the heat, next to a busy thoroughfare through a park. In said park there were also several pairs of what we at first thought to be parrots or even love birds, but since found out are actually Monk Parakeets, their bright green plumage and strange calls giving this area of the city an exotic flavour.

That evening we had booked an Argentinian beef & wine restaurant, Patagonia, no doubt popular with the likes of Messi and Mascherano given the excellent service and wonderful chargrilled offal and steaks we enjoyed. The service was fantastic too and anyone wanting something a bit special could do well to take a trip to Patagonia.

The next morning was spent wandering around a wonderful Palace which now houses an extensive collection of Catalan art  – including works by Picasso, Velazquez and Dali – before stumbling across the  adulation I personally have never witnessed before, not even at Morrissey concerts, that teens seemingly the world over, have for Justin Bieber.

Hordes of purple clad teenagers were waiting for the ‘teen sensation’ at the Olympic stadium, and as if to heighten the sense of occasion our trip was gaining, he arrived to huge acclaim and near fatalities as his fans ran across the road to greet him.

Next stop was a visit to several examples of Gaudi’s stunning architecture, depicted wonderfully in Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona, and discussed much better than I could in an article on his own visit to the city by my good friend Tim Killeen (http://inthegoldroom.com/index.php/food-travel-blogs/homage-to-the-capital-of-catalonia-barcelona-travel-blog-2/), and before another Catalan treat of trotters, a visit to another artist’s structural statement, the Fundacio Antoni Tapies.

From the roof top of La Pedrera, we caught the first glimpse of the city’s stunning centrepiece, La Segrada Familia, which, when it is finally finished circa 2025, will be one of the most important buildings in the world, in scale, history, and status amongst its religious followers, tourists, architecture students and historians.

Travelling to the top of one of its towers, I felt, brought us closer to God in some way, both physically and in appreciation of this sublime sight. The last time I had been this high up we had got engaged; this time we just enjoyed the view.

A couple of pints in the Michael Collins bar facing the church seemed appropriate given his nickname of the Big Fella, and his role in the Irish Civil War, following Barcelona’s own experiences during the Spanish Civil War.

The events of 1936-39 both re-iterated and changed forever the Catalan identity, and although it certainly is Mes Que Un Club, for many people who don’t visit the city (and even some who do) Barcelona consists of a fabulous football team. Having already experienced the special atmosphere of a game there, we decided this time to watch in a bar, on a huge screen, sampling several Cervezas, and this was no less memorable. Winning 5-1 obviously helped, but the ambience, celebrations and playing of El Cant de Barca after the final whistle, set us up nicely for the following morning.

The Estadio Nou Camp is another of my favourite places, and it is just as daunting when almost empty, bathing in the morning sun, as filled with 98,000 cules for a big game. The imposing stands, the beautiful blaugrana colours with a splash of gold, the partisan mysticism of the club’s albeit money spinning stadium tour and megastore, make it a must visit, on multiple occasions if you are lucky enough to.


Back to La Ramblas then, for a late afternoon stroll through the Gothic Quarter and final farewell to the city. I had spent several nights fretting about the various examples of crimes committed against tourists I had been told about, generally low level muggings or pickpocketing, as I had not wanted any unfortunate incident to spoil our celebrations. Taking the necessary precautions paid off for us, although we did see an attempted wallet snatch and stood by helpless as an Iberian Timothy Claypole passed us, being pursued by a security guard who managed to retrieve the camera said thief had stolen from a young American girl. Of course, be careful, but don’t always believe the hype.

In his Homage to Catalonia, Orwell described it as “a city where the working class is in the saddle” and in some instances I would argue this is still to be the case, a little research and risk-taking is rewarded with brilliant finds. Its roots are evident in what little I know about Barcelona’s art, certainly its football, and its food: not quite peasant-like, but generally simple, and all the more special for this. Our final meal of the trip, Pintxos, although a Basque tradition, embodied this.

Eating so little and so late is another part of the culture, and although we only scratched the surface of the Barcelona nightlife, it also seems a key part of the city’s vibrancy and excitement.  

The sun shone once again as we returned to the airport, a final beer and chance encounter with a colleague who had also been enjoying a stay in the city. Airports are funny places, people coming and going or staying for a while, many wondering before they fly off, if these will be their final few hours on earth let alone land. The lounges are reminiscent of others, faces seem familiar, duty free shops all seem to sell the same, no man’s land yet both the arrival and departure point for miracles.

Looking around there is a shared experience between us. No matter where we come from, north or south, we all agree, a flag unites us in brotherhood.

The heat had augmented our enjoyment of the trip, yes, but even in the rain and cold I am convinced we would have had marvelled at not just the sights and the sounds of the city but the spectacle of it all and for us, it was even better, knowing that it was all thanks to someone else’s kindness.